tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.comments2023-05-12T04:25:49.515-04:00Can moms and childfree women be friends?Susan Kimhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08075811666496360216noreply@blogger.comBlogger73125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-38412414874847579782018-06-28T13:01:43.387-04:002018-06-28T13:01:43.387-04:00Good u are rare most want to BORE people with too ...Good u are rare most want to BORE people with too much kid talk - no one cares - but the dad and grand parents the rest could careless.. NOT an interesting topic at ALL unless something happened but JUST always talking about them reason their men cheat too - its not interesting... you are a mom SO WHAT... LIFE goes on - especially for the childfree... I immediately LOOSE all interest when they start on about kids or grand kids like WHO CARES.... someone at work brought a baby in people were like u gotta go see the baby I was like WHY whats it doing I have seen one before NOTHING SPECIAL I came here to WORK.. the woman had to stop and laugh she was like u are RIGHT.. lol Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-78956398282621207632018-06-28T12:55:51.014-04:002018-06-28T12:55:51.014-04:00Right when I hang out with my sister and her divor...Right when I hang out with my sister and her divorced single miserable mom/friends I have a hard time - my life is happy and fun and childfree... it bothers them and they are NOT fun at all - they are depressing and miserable - I hate hanging w single moms the bitter ones that is Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-58680856904982154432014-07-10T14:14:19.689-04:002014-07-10T14:14:19.689-04:00I prefer to think that way as well. Glad I'm n...I prefer to think that way as well. Glad I'm not alone :)Erinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-20618312048062194572014-05-04T02:59:54.320-04:002014-05-04T02:59:54.320-04:00I agree that some people with children seem to thi...I agree that some people with children seem to think they have priority over those of us who do not have children. I have had people practically run me over with their baby stroller or expect me to jump out of the way because they think they have the right of way.<br /><br />I too have gotten mad over irresponsible people getting benefits instead of working. They made a bad choice and they are being taking care of. Our government has made it too easy for people to do it. I have worked my butt off all of my life. I have made responsible choices as far as family planning goes. I have never received a dime of government assistance even when I really needed it. Let me tell you something, a woman with kids will have everything taken care of. If you do not have any children, you could starve or go homeless for all anyone cares. (even if you have paid taxes to support other people and their offspring all of your life.) Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-70011873089097819092014-05-04T02:40:29.162-04:002014-05-04T02:40:29.162-04:00I can relate to what a lot of people on this board...I can relate to what a lot of people on this board are saying. I am childless too. I like children. I do not mind seeing pics and hearing about the children. However, it does get a little annoying when someone with children ONLY talks about the children and nothing else. I have had friends w/children. It seems like those friendships either drift away or do not last because we do not have the shared experience of motherhood. We cannot relate to each other and we have different interests. It seems some people cannot socialize without their children being a part of it. <br /><br />It is not that I do not want to be friends with people with kids. I find that they do not want to be friends with me because I am not in the mommy circle. Of course, they do not say that but I know they prefer to be around other mothers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-54132062476467311162014-02-19T20:16:49.400-05:002014-02-19T20:16:49.400-05:00...oh, one more thing. I actually engage them in c......oh, one more thing. I actually engage them in conversation about mothering. I always preface with, "look I'm not a mother, and have no idea what is involved in raising kids, but would it be fair to say"...And I state my opinon on a certain topic or ask a question. Sometimes I ask the tough questions as well, for example, "I hope I don't offend you with this question, but, gees it looks like some days you must just wish you were childless again, why is it that every time I see a parent in a public place they look so damn miserable?" or "do you ever think that life could have been really different if you didn't have kids...has it filled your expectations?".<br /><br />If you are good friends with someone you should be able to have these kinds of deep converstsaions about parenting, which may actually help you form an opinion about having your own, or not...You can have deep conversations about parenting, it doesn't all have to be "so how is Jimmy going at school?".Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12026458873256411802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-47771213764223889752014-02-19T20:01:56.322-05:002014-02-19T20:01:56.322-05:00You know? I've never had a problem socialising...You know? I've never had a problem socialising with people that have children. I am happy to listen to some stories about people's children and allow it to happen. What I usually find is that the person I'm talking to will inevitibly say "anyway, let's not talk about all that stuff, what's going on with you?". They DON'T want to talk about it, they want to escape it, but they may want to unload onto someone for their mental health. As a friend, I am more than happy to be that person. We also have to acknowledge that children are a big part of their lives and, as such, they should be allowed to talk about it with you (as their supposed friend).<br /><br />I also find socialising with my friends with kids, I can unbourden them for a while and keep the child occupied whilst they, I don't know, go to the toilet alone, or fold the washing or nick up the shops, clean up the house a bit, or just sit and stare at the wall for a while without having to watch, care for, feed, chase, discipline, listen to a child.<br /><br />It's a burden I'm willing to shoulder for the mental health of my friend. <br /><br />Inevitibly I find that my friends with kids are actually dying to find out information about what is going on outside of 'parent' world, but of course are going to want to talk about their own lives (which are largely consumed with their children).<br /><br />This article is bang on, if you want a break form 'parent' talk, hang out with your childless friends, but childless friends can enter the realm of 'parent' talk for their friend from time-to-time as well.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12026458873256411802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-92110262753861578582013-11-22T11:12:20.584-05:002013-11-22T11:12:20.584-05:00Personally I really hate people with kids most of ...Personally I really hate people with kids most of the time. People with kids think they have some sort of right to cut in front of me in line or take up the whole aisle of the grocery store while their snot nosed kid bumps into me without saying excuse me. Stay at home mom's especially. I was a nanny and know what it's like to be a stay at home mom, newsflash - they over exaggerate about how hard it is. No, they shouldn't get paid for a lifestyle choice they CHOSE. It pisses me off even more that while I'm being responsible I don't get a tax cut. I have to keep paying tax money for other breeders spawn and it really makes me angry. Parents look at me when their kid does something they consider "cute" as if I should too - fuck no! I don't think your child is cute or special, I think they are a plague on an already over populated earth and just another drain on resources and my tax dollars. The government should reward those of us who choose not to have kids, not the other way around. People who don't have kids are the selfless ones. People who have kids are really selfish - they keep having them without any thought for the overpopulation and strain on resources - they're stupid people but the government rewards the breeders with tax dollars - here you go stay at home moms! Have some food stamps! Have some education, have some scholarships because you chose to breed, meanwhile those of us who are responsible end up paying for their spawn! So ridiculous! I really hate people with kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-84993971831534727762013-08-31T23:03:42.619-04:002013-08-31T23:03:42.619-04:00I was in a relationship with a parent and I am afr...I was in a relationship with a parent and I am afraid to say he banged on about his kids a lot of the time too, because that was all his previous marriage revolved around. So it is not just the women. For a while I found it very difficult finding interesting people who did not want/ have kids...both male and female...but now that I am pushing 40, continuing to do the things I love to do and not concerning myself with the things I don't...I find there are an awful lot of single people out there of my age or similar, who are a lot more interesting, in a lot less debt, with more time and the ability to actually listen. Most people at my workplace with children, or who want children, have lives which revolve around cooking, laundry, their houses, TV, cars and keeping up with the Joneses. I am an artist/ musician and interested in none of that. I do think there are benefits to living in a city from that point of view. I don't know what I'd do in the sticks. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-17811696588328982442013-08-21T19:07:40.469-04:002013-08-21T19:07:40.469-04:00My opinion is this: "childless friends"...My opinion is this: "childless friends" and "mommy friends" can remain friends but the relationship is different.<br /><br />For me, being the "childless friend" (which is such a horrible term! I like "non-mommy")I feel somewhat clueless about what my "mommy friends" are going through. It makes me a bit uneasy in the fact that my "mommy friends" don't come to me for any advice anymore. Makes me wonder if they don't value my friendship as much as they used to, and that they look at me the way I look at very young teen girls: I can relate to them as I have been there myself, but it is hard to hold a meaningful/deep conversation with them as they have not been through what I have been through.<br /><br />I really hope my "mommy friends" don't look at me that way, but that probably is the case. My "mommy friends" do make the effort to let me know that I am still special and important to them. I am of course no where near as important as their child is to them, but why should I expect this? They have someone in their life that they are taking care of, raising. That relationship trumps all others, and for mommies, and "non-mommies" to be friends, there has to be that acknowledgement.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-43367114176465773452013-07-13T13:41:56.953-04:002013-07-13T13:41:56.953-04:00I could not have said this beter. You brought up s...I could not have said this beter. You brought up so many good points. I was recently asked this question again for like the billionth time! By someone I hardly know. I also hate the unsolicited advice that follows. I think you are absolutely right, it is the old "misery loves company" thing going on here. The parents that love being parents are too busy taking care of their kids to pry into other people's plans for kids. If anyone is interested here is my take on getting asked this question: http://www.ruminatingroom.com/2013/07/maybe-baby.htmlAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07812975202377781998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-26277351418744942882013-07-01T13:15:07.645-04:002013-07-01T13:15:07.645-04:00I agree. I posted this under another post, but we ...I agree. I posted this under another post, but we recently moved to a new town and my husband has made friends with quite a few guys with kids. I recently asked him if these guys talk about their kids a lot and he said no, they don't mention them at all unless it's in the context of something they are bummed they can't do because they have kids. I am really envious that my husband has more options when it comes to making friends.<br /><br />I have tried hanging out with the wives of some of these guys, as well as with other women who have kids, and it feels like we come from different planets because they talk about how much they wanted a night away from the kids and then when they get one they want to talk about the kid non-stop. When my husband and I hang out with these people and their kids are around, it usually ends up being a disaster. My husband might get some talking in with the man if he's lucky. I'll often be on the of the room trying to make conversation with the woman while the kid wines, runs around, acts rowdy or competes for mom's attention. Not much fun at all!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-29197847684024097182013-07-01T12:25:46.480-04:002013-07-01T12:25:46.480-04:00We moved to a new town a little over a year ago, f...We moved to a new town a little over a year ago, for my husband's job. (I'm self-employed and can work from anywhere.) Unlike in our previous town, a lot of the people we're meeting have kids. My husband seems to have no problem becoming friends with the men who have kids, but I really am having trouble connecting with the women because it's ALL ABOUT their kids. We went out for one woman's birthday and the first 15 minutes of conversation was all about getting a break from the kids for a night out. Then the conversation shifted to the kids themselves -- things they have done, cute things they have said, what toys/games they're into, the quality of schools, if a certain person's kid had gotten into a certain school. After about an hour, the one woman at the table who's conscious of the fact that some people don't have kids, turned to me and made a sympathetic comment about how all the kid talk must be boring/awkward for me since I don't have kids. Well, yeah, and then she just made it worse by singling me out.<br /><br />For the first time ever, my hubby has a bunch of local friends (all but one have kids) and I have few. He frequently goes out for "guys' nights" and that sort of thing. I asked him if the guys talk about their kids a lot when he's with them. He paused, thought about it for a second and said, "No, not at all. Unless it's a brief reference to how kids limit their lives - like something they can't do because they have kids." And that, in a nutshell, is why he has no problems being friends with men with kids but I have a problem being friends with the women. <br /><br />By the way, I've also noticed these women permit extremely bratty behavior from their kids - the other day, my hubby and I hung out with a couple who have a kid (one of the guys my DH is friends with and his wife). We were riding in the car with them and their kid. My hubby chatted about music with his friend in the front seat and I tried to chat with the woman. The kid ordered her not to talk and put his hand over her mouth. She didn't correct him and instead stopped talking. Talk about a kid literally putting the damper on conversation!<br /><br />I'm trying to branch out a little more to see if I can meet some women without kids, women whose kids are older or women with kids whose entire lives don't revolve around the little darlings.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-85679731414048994122013-02-27T10:34:28.252-05:002013-02-27T10:34:28.252-05:00Yeah pets are better! :)Yeah pets are better! :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-89570475908661084522012-11-15T00:13:04.015-05:002012-11-15T00:13:04.015-05:00Children born and brought up in the US are subject...Children born and brought up in the US are subjected to their parents' egos. Facebook has enabled this even more. I find it so telling that most parents will put the image of their child instead of themselves as their profile pict. Who are they anymore? And what is going to become of a child who is made to feel that they are the singular focus of their parents? It's only getting worse. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-47065359668977366332012-09-09T04:25:54.818-04:002012-09-09T04:25:54.818-04:00Bring back the art of conversation! I agree, and t...Bring back the art of conversation! I agree, and there is one friend of mine who has discovered that I am the perfect person to have these 'real' conversations with, in amongst her parenting woes and my childless woes... it works out well for us.<br /><br />Just a shame this friend is literally the only one of my friends who can do this... the others have dropped me like a hot potato because I am 'not one of the mommy club' and clearly don't have a 'real life'. It's a shame really, and I'm personally on the lookout for a new tribe of childfree folks (difficult to find) who are interested in talking about anything but schooling or parenting - i.e. people with similar interests. The one-way conversation about children really is tiring... and it is hurtful that they cannot see they are guilty of it.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18288266561592998739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-88212466814390675982012-07-26T09:55:41.913-04:002012-07-26T09:55:41.913-04:00When I hear the hate fests coming from some of the...When I hear the hate fests coming from some of the childfree (and note I said 'some,' not all), I wonder: if the childfree are so persecuted, so downtrodden, why aren't another group of people who are criticized for their reproductive choices similarly up in arms and setting up rant boards right and left: those who choose to have only one child? After all, we're called selfish, denied sterilizations, told we're subverting God's will, and, to top it all off, accused of unleashing a spoiled brat on the world. However, as far I know, there aren't any one-child-by-choice rant boards.<br /><br />To clarify: not all childfree individuals, or childfree groups, are hateful. And some are sympathetic to parents of only children because they recognize we too are pressured to fit a particular script. Still, why aren't one-by-choicers (at least as far I know) railing at families of two or more the way some childfree are railing at parents in general?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-25250187426535558862012-05-18T04:25:24.049-04:002012-05-18T04:25:24.049-04:00I totally agree with both of those posts. My frien...I totally agree with both of those posts. My friends with kids are drifting away of their own accord. I dont dislike people with kids but what i do dislike is th fact that they r completley wrapped up in their little darlings and can speak of nothing else. Its boring and self centered. There is more to life than kids and just because we dont have them doesnt mmean we cant voice our opinions about kidsnichannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05714060250400262280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-8018391166321695152012-04-16T15:13:46.597-04:002012-04-16T15:13:46.597-04:00Agreed! My best friend is also child free by choic...Agreed! My best friend is also child free by choice. I'd much rather hang out with her than with friends who have kids b/c my life is sooooo inundated with 8 year old boys right now, I relish the time to talk about fashion, politics, and gardening.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-33126714966473406002011-12-17T13:40:50.191-05:002011-12-17T13:40:50.191-05:00I can really empathize with the poster above. My ...I can really empathize with the poster above. My best friend has just given birth and I have been in a bad mood all day. And, before anyone chastises me for being selfish, I am happy that she's happy, but I'm upset because I know I've lost her, in the same way I'd be upset if she announced she was going to Australia. <br /><br />It's happened so many times before, with different friends, and even my sisters. I'm just not interested in kids, at all, and never have been. I never will be either. I don't want to hear about their kids, ever, and I don't want to be around their kids, ever, and I don't enjoy socialising with them now, ever, because they never let go and have fun because they have to be up in time for their kids.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-1905334898212782932011-11-11T10:56:49.514-05:002011-11-11T10:56:49.514-05:00As the only childless woman at a kids birthday rec...As the only childless woman at a kids birthday recently every mum was giving an update on their kid in turn. When they came to me after a long pause I got asked 'and how's your rabbit' I wanted to reply we were so proud cause she just started on solids and was toilet training well bah!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-70201293278413114452011-11-11T10:50:08.371-05:002011-11-11T10:50:08.371-05:00I love this post. I think the follow up question f...I love this post. I think the follow up question for those that have one child is 'when are you going to have number two' equally appalling for all the reasons you list. I've been asked it so often I feel like answering with 'I'm barren' just to make the questioner as uncomfortable as I feel when im asked it, but don't because I haven't started trying to have kids, and fertility issues are no joke. <br /><br />What is worse is being asked this in a workplace which has happened to me now a few times so so so inappropriate and very concerning for what the implications are for my career if I chose to answer the dumb question.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-36099317826775610382011-11-11T10:37:05.304-05:002011-11-11T10:37:05.304-05:00I am a big believer in the fact that friendships t...I am a big believer in the fact that friendships take efforts from both sides and post kids my mum mates give up trying. I get they have less time and other priorities but I agree with the post above (Oct 11, 2010) it's up to me to drop in and arrange catch ups that fit in with their schedules, and when I do the conversation is all about the child. One friend's husband even made a comment one day on my marriage... 'you'll understand what real cooperation is one day when you have a child' - I'm not a lesser person cause I haven't had a child!! I feel judged by my friends with kids everything I do in life has less significance to them. I'm not sure that post baby friendships can survive and if they do I'd say it's because of the efforts of the childless ones.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-88942660018604298472011-11-11T10:21:31.858-05:002011-11-11T10:21:31.858-05:00I am rapidly losing my friends as they have kids. ...I am rapidly losing my friends as they have kids. They don't/can't catch up in the ways we used to and I don't want to go to their kids birthday parties. I went to one and was the only person there without kids and the conversation was completely about children. These used to be friends with careers and interests. <br /><br />Im also being made to feel guilty, getting very bad friend reviews - the fact that we don't see each other seems to be my fault and very one sided. If we do catch up its at their house/ when it suits them, and I get a quick 'how's work' though I can tell they feel as though my career will never match up to having the life changing experience of being a mum... Apparently I'm missing out and I can't understand. <br /><br />I am wondering if these weren't real fiends to start with (although im talking close friends for years pre kids) or if the problem really is with me not being able to adapt my friendships through different life stages? Two more close friends have just announced they're pregnant and I'm so worried that we too will grow apart. <br /><br />I'm not anti kids, I do have one friend who I've stayed close with, but it's because her child doesn't rule her life, she kept her identity and we can still have real conversations. <br /><br />Im so worried life is going to get pretty lonely. Were not going to pick up these friendships again later, because they're getting genuinely offended that I don't find their kids as fascinating as they do. Would love some advice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5460305224145102805.post-66984002848983960322011-07-28T15:25:01.253-04:002011-07-28T15:25:01.253-04:00I was friends with a couple. Both have young adult...I was friends with a couple. Both have young adult kids. Even with the children being older, I felt like I was the 5th wheel. I doubt it was intentional but the girlfriend always made it so clear how she was the man's main woman. I know that. I did not need to be reminded. It was like I was being reminded how the man was "taken." The single and childfree woman is always viewed with suspicion. Even at church, the married woman with kids would not get too friendly. I am finding it is easier to go solo in this world.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com